朝視～2019年2月4日 朝８時半ごろ
日曜日に朝視は１１時過ぎに起きた。居酒屋での夜勤はこたえたよう。でも頭が冴えていた。遅く起きてよかったと、朝視は思った。
アリサがポリナとお店に行く前に寄ってきた。朝視は二人の名前を混乱して、全く気づかないで呼び間違えた。注意を引かれると、「あ、確かに、ごめんなさい」不思議なことに、日本語の言葉はその日あっさり浮かび上がったけれど、名前は違った。
朝視～2019年2月6日 朝８時半ごろ
Asami was in good mood. She was reading in English – and it was a good book – and through that she was caring about her students. She spent 3 hours yesterday preparing for a single class and was rewarded with “It was really interesting!” feedback. And always frowning Ko yesterday grew milder during the shift.
There were worries. But there always are. it didn’t matter for now.
Asami was in good mood. It was nice to start an upcoming day like this. She was set to do her best and to make people about her smile.
朝視～2019年2月12日 朝８時半ごろ
Three holidays passed. And there Asami was thinking whether to go to school today or not. It wasn’t the matter that she had worked late the previous night or that she was sick or that she was so tired she could barely get up. She was relaxed. She felt nice. And she wanted to relax more.
There was nothing bad in feeling this way. But if it wasn’t for Kurara-sensey’s day today, she knew she would skip classes. And that wasn’t right. She wanted to return.
She was happy to plunge into the stories she loved and recall values she started to forget. But it was enough. It was high time for Asami to go back to her own life, to people who surround her and those who care for her. To concentrate devotedly on her job.
And also Asami was troubled with how much she ate during this three days. Particularly sweet things, chocolates. They brought her comfort but her body grew heavy, and that was sad. She was a butterfly after all.
Let put an end to it today. With this just one more last day of comfort.
And let’s do the job to my best today. As Asami always does.
朝視～2019年2月17日 朝9時ごろ(Sun)
Tears were trickling down Asami’s cheecks.
Mr. Kitagawa died. It is only natural. We all somewhen die. But… Lung cancer…”He never even smoked”…
It feels so sad and unfair. Why should a man with such a kind generous utterly unselfish heart die so early? Why did he have to suffer so much? The lonely years in prison. The even lonelier years after leaving it. The painful time with Douno’s family where he didn’t belong. And finally the happiest years together. It’s silly to count but… if only he could have lived more.
If only he could have stay with Takafumi more.
Douno’s eyes were vacant in the morning after the wake. As Kitagawa lived for him, Mr. Douno lived for Kitagawa. And now he had lost … What?
“I wish I could have died with you.”
Nao was right in buying a puppy for Dad. If it weren’t for the puppy Mr. Douno had to take care of… he would, I’m afraid, develop some illness from grief and followed his beloved one in no time. But his gentle heart would not let him do that when a puppy needs him.
It’s good that Kitagawa didn’t have to part with Takafumi first, in the end. When I think of his last moments, however painful they must have been – it seems that I can almost hear Kei crying out “I don’t want to leave you!” - … He must also have felt it, happiness. Happiness of being with his beloved one up to the last breath. Being loved and cared for till he had to pass away. Being part of the warm love they have created.
Mr. Kitagawa was a wonderful person. Killing a man, he searched for a way out of his dark and empty box that his hart had turned into. Meeting Mr. Douno in prison taught him. Though it would have never started if he didn’t respond to his desperate plea on the verge of delirium “Help me”. And to the kindness he showed he was requited with kindness. And it was a streak of light in his dark and lonely box. And he longed it more. And all his being turned to that streak of light. So warm, but so thin.
It is no wonder Mr. Kitagawa didn’t forget Douno. In his world there was his box and the streak. And because there was that streak he learnt to see. But he couldn’t live without it. In his desperate search he strived for his dare life for if the light he once knew disappeared he would not be able to continue as he did before he saw it. Being thrown back into the darkness a flower that has just bloomed dies.
“I’m starting to forget his face”
How frightening must that have been.
I admire Douno for his gentleness, his strength of will to abide by his principles and morals whatever people may think. His heart is kind. Just the world his heart contains is full of light and people who give it and people he wants to give his light to. And unless the darkest night comes down on that world of his, when every light disappears, and unless in the utter darkness like several years ago in prison the only, faithful sunray remains, he won’t know where he belongs. But owing to Mr. Kitagawa’s effort their worlds became finally one.
Mr.Kitagawa is a great person. He is a killer. Whether he really killed the man or not doesn’t actually matter. He did something that took or could have taken a human’s life. And that grief and guilt and sorrow showed themselves in his heart in Mr. Douno’s light. As he turned to and followed the light he learned how to be a better man. And he grew into a man next generation would learn from and remember with love and even somewhere admiration.
Asami felt happy that Kitagawa Kei will be remembered. That he became a person who can teach not even being a teacher. Asami felt glad that he could live happily and could pass away surrounded and filled with love. But she felt such heart-rendering sorrow thinking of Mr. Douno’s dire loneliness…
May be it is fair, though. For him to learn the loneliness his beloved went through. Universally fair… but so sad.