Асами
Yesterday it was cloudy.
And Asami felt very sad for Nathan and Gabriel. So sad it was painful. She could heardly concentrate on anything as her thoughts constantly returned to the two. Because last night she had spent the last peaceful full of happiness morning with them. The last peaceful happy mornig that they were to have left as humans.
She tried playing the flute, but it grew even more unbearable, her pain as if moving to her throat. And she stopped soon.
She arrived at school earlier than she usually had to for they had agreed with Natsuki-sensei to discuss the coming Children's Book's Public Reading Event.
She was sitting at the English department table with 5 other teachers gethered there - though coming and going. As usual she felt uncomfortable. Her English skill was not like theirs, her qualifications as a teacher - and she actually has none - might be questioned... All of those constantly ate at her. But... This time... Probably she just got tired of incessantly thinking what Aidan and other teachers thought of her. As she was practising reading a children's book in English aloud with Natsuki-sensei at the nearest table, she couldn't stop being concsious that Aidan, other native spiker teachers may be listening and questioning: what is she doing here? A friend of the Principal.
But perhaps she grew tired. And as she sat back at the common table she thought.
"Enough. What I am is what I am. I am not a particulary good speaker at times and I lack experience as a teacher. But I'm doing my best. And I'm slowly, but gradually improving. And even that me with but humble abilities can do good job of helping my students muster English. So let's stop bothering over something I can't controle as other people's opinion. There is nothing bad being myself."
And this thought brought her calm.
And lesson after lesson went very well. They were controlled, efficient, warm and a little funny.
And her speaking was measured and controlled and good.
And she could tell Yuya at the end of the class what she wanted:
「前回の授業の後で階段を降りたところしゃべっていましたね。そして私はもし待っていてもらえれば、すぐ出てくるので、そうしたら質問に答えましょうと。それに対して勇也さんの反応は変に見えました」
「あぁ、そういうことを言っていたんですか？意味はよく分からなかったから」
「そうなんですか？よかった」微笑んだ。「もしかした付き合うように頼んでいるのではないかなと思われたかもしれないと思って」
「いいえ、ただ意味よく分からなかったんです」
「よかった。言っておきます。誤解しないように。私はあのことを言ったのも、このように授業が長くなるのも、私は勇也さんが英語能力を高めるように全力を尽くすつもりでやっているのですから」
He was smiling. Asami hoped he understood.
She was relieved she could say it without making significant mistakes or fumbling for words. More than anything she wanted him to trust her and feel at ease with her.
They parted smiling. His smile is so nice, she thought again. As if it goes trough right into her heart and lightens up there.
It was a very good day. She didn't feel tired. Her spirits were up.
On her way home she dropped in at Ms. Kamakura's gallery. There was lamps exhibition this time. The obgects, including also tableware, jewelry, wicker basckets and bags, handmade necklaces were brought from Morocco and Turkey. Asami spoke to a friendly woman who with her partner sold them. She told her about snake charmers she saw in a squere in Morocco. She told also about tea that they drink strong and extremely sweet in those countries. Allegedly because sweet taste eases tiredness from heat. Asami was fascinated with the lamps. They were as if from a fairy tail. The colorful Turkish ones reminded of a palace. Moroccan ones made her recall lamps for glow-beetles. And the lamps in the shape of stars hanging from the ceiling looked like a starry night sky. It was a beautiful exhibition.
Asami thought.
If when we were talking with Bob about his worldview she could be as calm and controlled as she was today she could have founf better words to tell him in regard of their following gethering. Not vague bordering with impolite 機会があれば、時間があれば If only she wasn't that troubled over what Ms. Kazue and Ms. Fukasawa may think. If only she could be calm and wise, be herself.
She has to correct her mistake next time she sees Bob.
Tell him that she is curious to hear his story further but she doesn't want to trouble her friends as they feel obliged to accompany her so that the strange couple of only her and Bob not make her feel awkward. They also can't let her be given a ride by Bob apparently for the same reason. And what is more, although curious, asami had no intention of becoming Bob's apprentice. She was just taking interest and learning one more vision on the world, the sam as when she read books by philosophers or thinkers. She may in the end incorporate something into her worldview, but she feels that she will hardly accept the whole Bob's idea. Because her world is hers, and it is unique as well as Bob's is.
She has to tell him that.
She has to be herself.
A wiser and calmer self. Could it be that yesterday the thought of Gabriel, him and Nathan, helped her to learn to be so a little?
And Asami felt very sad for Nathan and Gabriel. So sad it was painful. She could heardly concentrate on anything as her thoughts constantly returned to the two. Because last night she had spent the last peaceful full of happiness morning with them. The last peaceful happy mornig that they were to have left as humans.
She tried playing the flute, but it grew even more unbearable, her pain as if moving to her throat. And she stopped soon.
She arrived at school earlier than she usually had to for they had agreed with Natsuki-sensei to discuss the coming Children's Book's Public Reading Event.
She was sitting at the English department table with 5 other teachers gethered there - though coming and going. As usual she felt uncomfortable. Her English skill was not like theirs, her qualifications as a teacher - and she actually has none - might be questioned... All of those constantly ate at her. But... This time... Probably she just got tired of incessantly thinking what Aidan and other teachers thought of her. As she was practising reading a children's book in English aloud with Natsuki-sensei at the nearest table, she couldn't stop being concsious that Aidan, other native spiker teachers may be listening and questioning: what is she doing here? A friend of the Principal.
But perhaps she grew tired. And as she sat back at the common table she thought.
"Enough. What I am is what I am. I am not a particulary good speaker at times and I lack experience as a teacher. But I'm doing my best. And I'm slowly, but gradually improving. And even that me with but humble abilities can do good job of helping my students muster English. So let's stop bothering over something I can't controle as other people's opinion. There is nothing bad being myself."
And this thought brought her calm.
And lesson after lesson went very well. They were controlled, efficient, warm and a little funny.
And her speaking was measured and controlled and good.
And she could tell Yuya at the end of the class what she wanted:
「前回の授業の後で階段を降りたところしゃべっていましたね。そして私はもし待っていてもらえれば、すぐ出てくるので、そうしたら質問に答えましょうと。それに対して勇也さんの反応は変に見えました」
「あぁ、そういうことを言っていたんですか？意味はよく分からなかったから」
「そうなんですか？よかった」微笑んだ。「もしかした付き合うように頼んでいるのではないかなと思われたかもしれないと思って」
「いいえ、ただ意味よく分からなかったんです」
「よかった。言っておきます。誤解しないように。私はあのことを言ったのも、このように授業が長くなるのも、私は勇也さんが英語能力を高めるように全力を尽くすつもりでやっているのですから」
He was smiling. Asami hoped he understood.
She was relieved she could say it without making significant mistakes or fumbling for words. More than anything she wanted him to trust her and feel at ease with her.
They parted smiling. His smile is so nice, she thought again. As if it goes trough right into her heart and lightens up there.
It was a very good day. She didn't feel tired. Her spirits were up.
On her way home she dropped in at Ms. Kamakura's gallery. There was lamps exhibition this time. The obgects, including also tableware, jewelry, wicker basckets and bags, handmade necklaces were brought from Morocco and Turkey. Asami spoke to a friendly woman who with her partner sold them. She told her about snake charmers she saw in a squere in Morocco. She told also about tea that they drink strong and extremely sweet in those countries. Allegedly because sweet taste eases tiredness from heat. Asami was fascinated with the lamps. They were as if from a fairy tail. The colorful Turkish ones reminded of a palace. Moroccan ones made her recall lamps for glow-beetles. And the lamps in the shape of stars hanging from the ceiling looked like a starry night sky. It was a beautiful exhibition.
Asami thought.
If when we were talking with Bob about his worldview she could be as calm and controlled as she was today she could have founf better words to tell him in regard of their following gethering. Not vague bordering with impolite 機会があれば、時間があれば If only she wasn't that troubled over what Ms. Kazue and Ms. Fukasawa may think. If only she could be calm and wise, be herself.
She has to correct her mistake next time she sees Bob.
Tell him that she is curious to hear his story further but she doesn't want to trouble her friends as they feel obliged to accompany her so that the strange couple of only her and Bob not make her feel awkward. They also can't let her be given a ride by Bob apparently for the same reason. And what is more, although curious, asami had no intention of becoming Bob's apprentice. She was just taking interest and learning one more vision on the world, the sam as when she read books by philosophers or thinkers. She may in the end incorporate something into her worldview, but she feels that she will hardly accept the whole Bob's idea. Because her world is hers, and it is unique as well as Bob's is.
She has to tell him that.
She has to be herself.
A wiser and calmer self. Could it be that yesterday the thought of Gabriel, him and Nathan, helped her to learn to be so a little?