Асами
2 weeks after the last note in the diary.
Great!
***
It's not that making a note in the diary is a must. But I've come to feel that it is a means to keep my consciousness up, maintain self-awareness, remain self in other words. It is also a means of remaining and possibly becoming more obsevant of my surroundings, a way to treasure and learn from them.
But...
Two days of translation from morning till night and not a single day to recover in two weeks weakened me, it seems they thinned the fragile tissue protecting my soul and it became vulnerable.
***
Asami performed well at work. Her English was good. She was relaxed. But...
The teaching zeal went elsewhere.
She longed for the three days-off.
She got them.
And tree days all along she didn't go out. She shut up in her room and read - warm stories, full of love stories, stories that took her away from this world, where you have to be strong and fight against your weaknesses daily, to the world of other peoples lives, where having gone through much they find their happiness. And they are not lonely anymore. They don't have to fight alone.
Asami wondered. She has many good friends. Back in Belarus and here in Japan either. Still... It is as if a part of her is missing. A part that makes her complete, makes her stronger.
And to her surprise, there is a person who has been affecting her in that way.
Now, that Asami finally restored her composure - it came back naturally (after she had cancelled 2 of her home-tutoring lessons and a volunteer one which she had never done before! ) - she thought:
Yuya. If only one day when I'm as tired as I had been, I could ask you to save me from running away from this world and its preassure, if only you could embrace me and kiss me at that time, and the urgent spir to disappear in other people's happiness and comfort would vanish, you would erase it for me... If only the day you save me from my weakness may come...
Why was she calling out to him? She hardly knows him! She doesn't even know if his heart is free, if he is the person. But... As never before she found herself repeating silently: I love you, Yuya. She found herself thinking of him every day and his name repeatedly breathed out when no one could hear. All this is unreasonable. However, that's how it is.
When she was in the car driving to the airport at the end of her interpreting work it was still light and it was rainy and the scenery was beautiful. And she realized that she was almost shouting again and again in her heart: I love you, Yuya. If she were riding a car there with him and he asked why?, she would explain that God, someone said, is supreme kindness - which is a wider term for love, conscience and beauty. And we all have them in our hearts, we all have the highest ideal, which some people personify as God. And that's why these three are one, and when we are struck by the beauty we naturally think of the person we love the most to share it.
Asami didn't regret having spent time reading the stories. She didn't regret cancelling three lessons, even though she was pressed for money as a result. She learned from the stories and she managed to return to her own fight in the end. But plunging into something so deeply is scary... Yuya...
***
Asami was thinking of suggesting him to meet on Sunday to speak English as long as his time allows. The purpose? She would be able to spend by his side more than a overly long lesson. He would be able to spend a larger part of the day speaking English. It would facilitate his flluency and might help to deal with the problems he has while speaking, like confusing tenses. How would she explain it to him? An outdoor lesson to make him think in English, to get him say at the end of the course sincerely "Thank you" to her, which would make her happy.
That's true, although not all of it.
Should she go ahead with the plan and suggest it? She will judge from the circumstances. If only he were desposed...
Was she getting crazy? Unreasonable? She wondered.
***
Other thoughts that invaded her mind during the two weeks' time.
One very hot day Asamy recalled that the ground felt as hot and the air as boiling as then back in her childhood when she was heading to the beach with Mum and sister.
Feeling the wet pine bark under her palm and listening to the evening sounds of nature Asami thought that love is natural. It is in conjoinining bodies for two humans who were ment to be whole one but happened to get born as separate beings, it is in mixing souls to become a shared spirit, it is in merging in nature. And love is beautiful. Nathan and Gabriel's love is unspeakably beautiful.
Great!
***
It's not that making a note in the diary is a must. But I've come to feel that it is a means to keep my consciousness up, maintain self-awareness, remain self in other words. It is also a means of remaining and possibly becoming more obsevant of my surroundings, a way to treasure and learn from them.
But...
Two days of translation from morning till night and not a single day to recover in two weeks weakened me, it seems they thinned the fragile tissue protecting my soul and it became vulnerable.
***
Asami performed well at work. Her English was good. She was relaxed. But...
The teaching zeal went elsewhere.
She longed for the three days-off.
She got them.
And tree days all along she didn't go out. She shut up in her room and read - warm stories, full of love stories, stories that took her away from this world, where you have to be strong and fight against your weaknesses daily, to the world of other peoples lives, where having gone through much they find their happiness. And they are not lonely anymore. They don't have to fight alone.
Asami wondered. She has many good friends. Back in Belarus and here in Japan either. Still... It is as if a part of her is missing. A part that makes her complete, makes her stronger.
And to her surprise, there is a person who has been affecting her in that way.
Now, that Asami finally restored her composure - it came back naturally (after she had cancelled 2 of her home-tutoring lessons and a volunteer one which she had never done before! ) - she thought:
Yuya. If only one day when I'm as tired as I had been, I could ask you to save me from running away from this world and its preassure, if only you could embrace me and kiss me at that time, and the urgent spir to disappear in other people's happiness and comfort would vanish, you would erase it for me... If only the day you save me from my weakness may come...
Why was she calling out to him? She hardly knows him! She doesn't even know if his heart is free, if he is the person. But... As never before she found herself repeating silently: I love you, Yuya. She found herself thinking of him every day and his name repeatedly breathed out when no one could hear. All this is unreasonable. However, that's how it is.
When she was in the car driving to the airport at the end of her interpreting work it was still light and it was rainy and the scenery was beautiful. And she realized that she was almost shouting again and again in her heart: I love you, Yuya. If she were riding a car there with him and he asked why?, she would explain that God, someone said, is supreme kindness - which is a wider term for love, conscience and beauty. And we all have them in our hearts, we all have the highest ideal, which some people personify as God. And that's why these three are one, and when we are struck by the beauty we naturally think of the person we love the most to share it.
Asami didn't regret having spent time reading the stories. She didn't regret cancelling three lessons, even though she was pressed for money as a result. She learned from the stories and she managed to return to her own fight in the end. But plunging into something so deeply is scary... Yuya...
***
Asami was thinking of suggesting him to meet on Sunday to speak English as long as his time allows. The purpose? She would be able to spend by his side more than a overly long lesson. He would be able to spend a larger part of the day speaking English. It would facilitate his flluency and might help to deal with the problems he has while speaking, like confusing tenses. How would she explain it to him? An outdoor lesson to make him think in English, to get him say at the end of the course sincerely "Thank you" to her, which would make her happy.
That's true, although not all of it.
Should she go ahead with the plan and suggest it? She will judge from the circumstances. If only he were desposed...
Was she getting crazy? Unreasonable? She wondered.
***
Other thoughts that invaded her mind during the two weeks' time.
One very hot day Asamy recalled that the ground felt as hot and the air as boiling as then back in her childhood when she was heading to the beach with Mum and sister.
Feeling the wet pine bark under her palm and listening to the evening sounds of nature Asami thought that love is natural. It is in conjoinining bodies for two humans who were ment to be whole one but happened to get born as separate beings, it is in mixing souls to become a shared spirit, it is in merging in nature. And love is beautiful. Nathan and Gabriel's love is unspeakably beautiful.
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25.07.2019 в 19:54-
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27.07.2019 в 03:42Интересно писать в дневнике о себе как будто со стороны. Многое замечаешь с такой точки зрения)
Классная у тебя аватарка!